We are immensely grateful to God for His providence and blessings and so excited to get married!

Throughout the past week, we have had some questions about why we decided not to have engagement rings or wedding bands. We are happy to share where we are coming from and the Biblical principles that inform our decision. I’ll also share some perspective based on my experience with jewelry.

Acting on Principle: Honoring God in All Things

As followers of Jesus, Tim and I desire to do only that which pleases Him and brings Him honor, glory, and praise. We want to think, speak, act, and live in a way that is acceptable in God’s sight, not to earn His favor (impossible!) but because He so freely bestowed it on us already (Romans 5:8). God first loved us, and we want our lives to be in harmony with Him. He deserves not just the bare minimum, but our very best!

As we sought to understand this topic, we prayed for the Holy Spirit to guide us. Then, we turned to God’s Word with careful consideration to discover what He would teach us. 2 Tim. 3:16-17 tells us “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” We know we can trust His word to help us understand anything!

However, it is important to ask for the Holy Spirit because we can read our own bias into the Word and misunderstand what it is actually saying. We didn’t want to go in looking for verses to support our preconceived ideas. Rather, we wanted God to unfold His perfect truth to us and just submit to that whatever it may be.

Questions We Asked Ourselves

What does God think about jewelry? What does the Bible say about jewelry?
Are wedding rings found in the Bible? If not, where did we get them from?
If we were to wear wedding rings, what would our motive or intention be? How would it affect our witness to those around us?
Is this something that brings glory to God or to ourselves?

What Does the Bible Say?

Verses that Seem to Support Jewelry

There are Bible stories in which God's children wore gold, silver, or jewels. For example, the Scriptures report with no comment that Joseph wore a ring and "a gold chain about his neck" (Genesis 41:42), that Saul wore a bracelet (2 Samuel 1:10), that Mordecai was given a ring by Ahasuerus (Esther 8:2), Solomon describes his beloved’s cheeks as “lovely with ornaments, Your neck with chains of gold” (Song of Solomon 1:10), and that King Belshazzar gave Daniel a scarlet robe and "put a chain of gold about his neck" (Daniel 5:29).

However, just because we see something done in Bible times does not mean that God condoned it. The Scriptures simply record a faithful history of God's people-including all their failures. Noah drank wine and became drunk (Genesis 9:20, 21). Lot had sex with his daughters and got them pregnant (Genesis 19:30-38). Judah hired a prostitute for a night, impregnated her, and later discovered she was his daughter-in-law (Genesis 38:12-26). We cannot assume that God condones unsavory practices just because these incidents were mentioned in the Bible. Other passages of Scripture clearly tell us that God condemns alcohol, incest, prostitution, and jewelry as anti-productive to accomplishing His purposes for humanity.

Genesis 24:22

God made all of the gold, silver, and precious jewels in the world, and He intended for them to have practical use. Since even small amounts of these minerals are so rare and valuable, long ago they began to be used as money. Genesis 24:22 describes that after Rebekah had watered the camels for Abraham's servant, he paid her in this way: "And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold."

Some might argue that because in finding a wife for his son Issac, *Abraham* gave jewelry to Rebekah, that jewelry must not be a bad thing.

But Abraham also lied, practiced polygamy, and had slaves! Is it okay to do all of these things too just because Abraham did them?

Yes, Abraham believed God and it was accounted to him for righteousness, but Abraham was still a sinner who did the wrong thing at times. Just because the patriarchs in the Bible did something, that doesn’t mean God is giving it an endorsement! Oftentimes, what is shared in Scripture is actually more a message of warning from God to help us not to fall into the same mistakes.

What About the Prodigal Son? Luke 15:22

One story that is often cited to justify jewelry is that of the prodigal son. Since the father "put a ring on his hand," some say that we can assume God wants us to wear jewelry. Obviously, this parable is not an inspired comment on whether Christians should wear rings. Furthermore, the ring the father gave his son was most likely a signet ring. Signet rings contained the family seal. People used them to press this unique seal onto official documents. It was the family's signature. Rather than an ornament for display, signet rings were a tool for officiating documents and were usually worn on the index finger.

Before the prodigal son left home, he asked his father for his share of the inheritance. Once he received his money and goods, he left home to spend it all on "riotous living." Luke 15:13. Out of money and destitute, the foolish prodigal later found himself flat broke, hungry, and poorly clad. In desperation he returned home, trusting in the goodness of his father to at least take him in as a servant. The prodigal felt that he no longer deserved to be a son since he had squandered half of his father's hard-earned savings.

But instead of rejection, his father showed him unlimited acceptance. He replaced the prodigal's rags with a comfortable and clean robe and put shoes on his bare feet. He filled his son's empty stomach with a feast. And to the son who just wasted his riches, this father gave the signet ring-the family checkbook - with free access to his remaining fortune.

God’s Warnings about Jewelry

Genesis 35:1-4

People changed their dress when they prepared to meet God. "And God said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel, and dwell there: and make there an altar unto God, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother. Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange [foreign] gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments: And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went. And they gave unto Jacob all the strange gods which were in their hand, and all their earrings which were in their ears; and Jacob hid them under the oak which was by Shechem."

Notice that the foreign gods and jewelry were classified and buried together. Pagan worship and jewelry have always enjoyed a close association. And in order for Jacob and his household to commune with God, they had to abandon all such influences. Thus God ordered Jacob to make not a temporary removal of these articles, but a permanent burial.

The word Bethel means "House of God." We are now living in the time of judgment and are preparing to meet with the Almighty in His heavenly house. Now is not the time to adorn our mortal exteriors. Before we go there, God wants us to separate from the things of this world that will compromise our relationship with Him. "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you." 2 Corinthians 6:17.

Exodus 33:5-6

After the golden calf experience, God commanded the people to remove their jewelry lest they be consumed. "For the Lord had said unto Moses, Say unto the children of Israel, Ye are a stiff-necked people: I will come up into the midst of thee in a moment, and consume thee: therefore now put off thy ornaments from thee, that I may know what to do unto thee. And the children of Israel stripped themselves of their ornaments by the mount Horeb." Exodus 33:5-6.

Notice the similar warning God gives to His people living in the last days: "In that day a man shall cast his idols of silver, and his idols of gold, which they made each one for himself to worship, to the moles and to the bats; To go into the clefts of the rocks, and into the tops of the rugged rocks, for fear of the Lord, and for the glory of his majesty, when he ariseth to shake terribly the earth." Isaiah 2:20-21.

Isaiah 3:16-24

"Moreover the Lord says: 'Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, And walk with outstretched necks And wanton [seductive] eyes, Walking and mincing [swaying] as they go, ...' In that day the Lord will take away the finery: The jingling anklets, the scarves, and the crescents; The pendants, the bracelets, and the veils; The headdresses, the leg ornaments, and the headbands; The perfume boxes, the charms, and the rings; The nose jewels, the festal apparel, and the mantles; The outer garments, the purses, and the mirrors; The fine linen, the turbans, and the robes." Isaiah 3:16-23. A woman in Bible prophecy symbolizes a church. In this prophecy, the women (churches) were to be severely judged because of their pride, which is directly connected with external adornment.

Because we wrestle with sin and temptation, now is not the right time to glorify our exteriors. The supreme goal of the Christian is to attract attention to Christ, not to self. Decorating our mortal bodies with glittering gems and minerals usually springs from pride and is diametrically opposed to the spirit and principles of Jesus. "And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Matthew 23:12.

Biblical Principles of Modesty and Simplicity

1 Timothy 2:9-10

The Bible teaches the principles of modesty and simplicity. 1 Timothy 2:9-10 admonishes women to “adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.”

1 Peter 3:3-4

1 Peter 3:3-4 gives women/wives a similar admonishment: “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

This verse furthers what 1 Tim. 2:9-10 tells us and gives some additional insight about what God desires from us. Peter is suggesting that there is a type of external adornment that is an expression of pride and self-reliance instead of an expression of submission and dependence on the Lord. When contrasted with a “quiet spirit,” such adornment becomes an expression of a restless attitude, a symbol of a need, or even a quest for inner peace that is unsatisfied, but that should be fully met through the gospel. Hence this type of adornment is incompatible with the fruits of the Christian message.

A Crown of Gold - James 1:12, 2 Timothy 4:8

“Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12

“Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.” 2 Tim. 4:8

Ever since Adam and Eve's fall into sin, we humans have had to struggle with the same sinful nature that has pride at its root. God, therefore, has commanded us to not wear jewelry. In our sinful condition, we are no better able to resist the tendency to sinful pride than Lucifer was. When our physical bodies are changed at the second coming of Jesus, we will no longer be tempted to sin. Only then will Jesus consider it safe to place a crown of gold on our heads, and only Jesus is worthy to give us such a gift!

What is the Golden Link Which Binds Our Souls to Jesus Christ?

I shared: “Tim and I don’t plan to have wedding rings. Instead, we want a golden link which binds our souls to Jesus Christ!” The golden link to Christ is figurative language to describe our desire to be so closely bound to Christ that all who look upon our lives can see His pure and Holy character in us. We want to hide behind Christ and allow His light to shine. True love, meekness, and godliness are the fruit we desire to bear as Christians.

“People Won’t Know You’re Married Without Wedding Rings!”

Some well-meaning people have expressed concern that people won’t know we are married if we don’t wear rings. All I can do is encourage you to spend some time around Tim and I. If you can’t tell we’re in love, I don’t know what to tell you!

Even when we’re apart, by God’s grace we conduct ourselves in a manner that speaks clearly that we are committed to each other and not “on the market.” Wearing wedding rings won’t make either of us true to our wedding vows any more than standing in a garage will make us cars. Our love and commitment will endure through even the vicissitudes of life only because *God* is able to do this in and through us!

Almost all married people who were unfaithful to their covenant and/or got divorced wore wedding rings.The rings did not help them have a strong marriage or stay true to their commitment. A piece of metal around the finger cannot change a sin problem that originates in the heart! Only God can.

My Personal Experience with Jewelry

Tim and I discussed our convictions about jewelry and wedding rings early on in our friendship. Before we ever started our courtship, we shared a conviction not to wear jewelry of any kind, including rings (wedding rings or otherwise).

In the past, I used to wear earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and rings - but once I came to an understanding of this topic, I felt convicted to get rid of all of my jewelry. I thought I would miss it, but I actually felt relieved not to wear it anymore. I can’t tell you how much weight it took off my shoulders (and ears )! Not only is it complicated to try and match jewelry with every outfit, earrings tugged on the piercings in my ears which hurt a lot and rings were somehow always in the way when doing *anything and everything*

When I look back on pictures of me wearing earrings or necklaces, it looks so foreign to me now. I sometimes wonder why we do the things we do when they don’t make any sense! Jewelry served no real purpose for me except to try to make myself look more “sparkly” on the outside. But I started to realize that jewelry kind of looked silly on me, almost like gluing plastic gems or sequins to something valuable, making it seem cheap when really, what’s underneath is precious!

What did we do instead?

Tim proposed to me with a sterling silver watch engraved on the back with “Tim Ashley time.” All of this was very intentional on Tim’s part!

Watch: It’s not something you wear simply because of the way it looks; it has a functional purpose.
Sterling Silver: 1 Tim. 2:9-10 mentions not wearing gold, pearls, or costly array - there is no warning that we know of against using silver for practical purposes. Additionally, silver has been known to have beneficial properties for health. It is also a windup watch so there’s no EMF exposure.
Inexpensive: In 2022, the average cost of an engagement ring was $5225 or around 2-3 months of an average man’s salary! The cost of the watch was not even remotely close to this. Not only do we want to avoid costly apparel, we also see that the Bible teaches us to be good stewards of all He has given us and so we desire to use our money wisely on things that matter most.
Meaningful: The engraving on the back makes it meaningful and personalized!

Disclaimer:

We know this can be a sensitive topic for some. If you’re reading this, please know that we have so much love for you regardless of the choice you make or the opinion you hold regarding jewelry/wedding rings! As followers of Jesus, we believe in respecting each person’s free will choice and treating everyone with love and human dignity.

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